I want to break something, something glass perhaps... Hurl it against a wall-shatter it to pieces and walk away, like this is a common act. I'm thinking this will release the tension in my neck. The devil sitting on my right shoulder is a 5 year-old brat with ringlet pigtails. She wants to kick you in your shins when she doesn't get her way. I can picture her now... she's a stubborn/pouty lil bitch. I have to remind myself that I am a GAW (grown ass woman) and I can't just go kicking people or smashing one-of-a-kind hand blown vases, so I'll just visualize it. I am visually kicking you right now... Do you feel it?
If you were to make a personality analysis with the gifts above, what type of woman would you think i am? I'm guessing an independent, man-eating feminist with a tendency to hit the bottle, which I guess wouldn't be too far from the truth... Above are some gifts/stocking stuffers received at Christmas which have an underlying theme. If you can't decipher, here goes: 1) a "It's all about me, all year long" calendar pad–which I will actually be using, especially the section for listing "people who just don't get me today" (with a section for who and why). I think I can fill that up quite quickly. 2) a pair of "Well Behaved Woman Rarely Make History" wine glasses–so I can cheers to me walking to the beat of a different drum 3) "Who needs a man?" cocktail napkins with cocktail recipe–hmm... if I am rollin' solo (which I am), then I'd have to spice this recipe up a bit and add some brandy (gotta keep myself warm)! 4) another set of cocktail napkins stating, "Sure, I'd like a Hot Toddy... or Mikey, or Billy, or Johnny"– Well, I've had all of them and none were quite satisfactory. 5) A coaster that says, "It is better to have loved & lost than to live with that psycho for the rest of your life."–Well, ain't that the truth!
Posted by The Hearty Project at 12/29/2009 11:08:00 AM
...and just in the St. Nick of time. Although, I wish it would've happened sooner–cuz I have one night to get all Martha Stewart on my presents. Aiding in my awakening... a hilarious episode of The Office (Season 4, Ep. 9): Dinner Party. In this ep., Michael and Jan host a tense dinner party in their cramped condo, ending with a Dundie being thrown at Michael's mega 13" plasma and the cops being called. Also this commercial (because when you are in a funk–you don't change channels):
And also, me just opening my eyes and realizing how lucky I am at this moment.
And also, me just opening my eyes and realizing how lucky I am at this moment.
Posted by The Hearty Project at 12/23/2009 02:46:00 PM
My new Fetish! I recently received this awesome lil bear. Feeding and caring for him her will promote strength and inner power to perceive my present circumstances. Lil background: Fetishes have long been an important part of Indian culture. When a fetish maker prays over his created work, a mystical power is believed to be released which can assist man woman in finding a solution to his her present problems. It is essential that the owner of any given fetish care for their carving. It should be given proper admiration and regular feeding times. Fetishes are believed to feed on cornmeal. The better a fetish is treated, the better its overall performance. There are six cardinal guardian fetishes which are symbolic of the six directions. The first is a mountain lion which represents the North. The South belongs to the badger, the West to the bear, while the East goes to the wolf. Additionally, the mole guards the inner earth, while the eagle protects the heavenly regions. Cop your own.
Fetishes and Their Characteristics:
Badger: the ability to reach a desired goal
Bear: strength, inner power to perceive ones present circumstances
Beaver: progressive builder, one who promotes family unity
Buffalo: steadfast endurance to rise above one's weakness
Coyote: the ability to laugh at oneself, humor
Eagle: a soaring spirit that transcends personal problems, a connection to the Divine
Fox: camouflage, protection
Frog: for centuries able to petition the spirits to bring forth abundant rain
Horse: one of the only two fetishes that have innate healing powers
Mountain Lion: leadership, resourcefulness
Ram: used to procure an increase of herds
Raven: the bird's beak is scratched across an afflicted person's skull releasing its healing powers
Snake: a powerful fetish symbolizing life, death and rebirth
Turtle: a symbol of long, meaningful life
Wolf: teacher, path finder on the never ending journey for survival
Posted by The Hearty Project at 12/23/2009 11:09:00 AM
I really racked up that year... mainly because I was still an only kid. Barbie stuff, Cabbage Patch Kids and Care Bears were high on my list. I actually never anticipated that "Dream House", but my parents definitely spoiled me back then (still do to an extent-see it's their fault). Those were the days when I could barely sleep and would wake at 5am to tug at my mother, just so she could say, "One more hour," until the next, "One more hour." Now I like to get super toasty Christmas Eve and sleep until they call me... High on my list this year: super soft white sheets and liquor.
I think it began at that first wiff of cinnamon-scented pinecones prior to Thanksgiving. Funny how a scent can send a rush of anxiety through your system that curdles your blood. The holidays are not for singles or maybe I need to retrain my brain. Let's say for the past 10 years I've always been in a relationship during the holidays and maybe that sounds a lil pathetic, oh well. Couples are everywhere, snuggling and sucking face and it makes me want to lose my lunch, or sigh "Good Grief." Take last Sunday–I'm at the JoAnn's cutting counter getting tulle cut for tutu's. Next to me are two men in their late 30's with a ton of white wedding tulle, the cutter at the counter is asking the man in front of her how his business is doing with the economy and all. He replies, "We are doing well, people are still getting married and ACTUALLY I'm in love! It's really great, I've never felt this way," blah/blah/blah. REALLY! Since when are heterosexual men spontaneously announcing their love to strangers? At that minute I thought about asking for her scissors...
Last night while trying to print my christmas cards at the Kodak kiosk, I couldn't help but notice the pictures that someone left behind... a cutesy couple, obviously smitten with each other and from the looks of the photoshop job–an intended gift for one another. LOVELY! Actually is was pretty damn cute, but "Good Grief," must they slap me in the face with it?
For the record, I am not Charlie Brown. On average–I am 70% Lucy, 20% Snoopy, and 10% Charlie Brown. Just the scent of pine and cinnamon has the scales tipping. To reaffirm my true self, I took a series of "Which Peanuts Character Are You?" quizzes. I say a series, because I was unhappy with my results on the 1st and 2nd quiz, but 3 times is a charm :) Below are the quizzes and my results:
Which Peanuts Character Are You-Quiz #1
You are part Sally Brown. You may not be the most ambitious person, but life isn't supposed to be hard! You are relaxed and easy-going, but you can hold your ground when you want, too.
You are part Snoopy. You have a vivid imagination and lead a rich inner life. Everyone likes you, but some don't understand that you may just be of another species.
Which Peanuts Character Are You-Quiz #2
Woodstock. You’re an incredibly unique person who values originality and loyalty above all else. You’re always where the fun is and you never lack for friends. You also like to try new things.
Which Peanuts Character Are You-Quiz #3
Lucy Van Pelt works hard at being bossy, crabby and selfish. She is loud and yells a lot. Her smiles and motives are rarely pure. She's a know-it-all who dispenses advice whether you want it or not--and for Charlie Brown, there's a charge. She's a fussbudget, in the true sense of the word. She's a real grouch, with only one or two soft spots, and both of them may be Schroeder, who prefers Beethoven. As she sees it, hers is the only way. The absence of logic in her arguments holds a kind of shining lunacy. When it comes to compliments, Lucy only likes receiving them. If she's paying one--or even smiling--she's probably up to something devious.
Ok, I'm not that much of a brat, I just appreciate her directness :)
1: Cinder Block Necklace 2: Ninja vs. Pirates Checker Set 3: Beaver Skull with Gold Teeth 4: Terrier Shirt 5: Balsa Screenprint 6: Custom Illustrated Calling Cards 7: Brooklyn Tray 8: Replica Milk Bottles 9: Hanno the Gorilla 10: Forget Me Not Ring 11: Bacon/Choc.Chip Pancake Batter
I have been the lucky recipient of 2 straight nights of drunk texts/dials by 2 separate offenders. First off, it's way nicer to be on the receiving end because when I drunk text (usually don't dial)-it's usually not nice. There was a period there when my girlfriend and I would swap phones at midnight to avoid such embarrassment. Of course this scenario would only last about an hour till we were at each others throats demanding our phones back... I digress. Tuesday night a friend and I mean friend, sent several inappropriate messages around 1:30am, I blew them off and went back to bed. Now in the morning I could've ignored them and saved him some pride, but that's no fun. I thought, "RU freakin' nuts?," would be better. He responded that he had obviously too much to drink, etc... No harm, I was able to go back to sleep just fine, but last night was a different story. I received a call at 3am and usually I can shut the ringer off immediately, but since my power-button is jammed, I had to just let it ring-Ugh! I was pissed and couldn't go back to sleep. This morning I see that the selfish/lush left a damn message. Wonderful, this better be good. I listened to the 5 minute/seemingly coherent message on my morning commute. And it starts: "Hey babe..." Eeww, I cringe. "Babe", seems to be a growing epidemic, it's grossly overused. I think dudes think it's a quick way to seem endearing, when they know they haven't put in the work to earn that title. It's a douchebag move, which will later be listed in my post entitled, "You know your a douchebag if...(be on the lookout)" Anywho, not exactly sure how to respond to this one, especially since he sounded totally in his right mind–scary!
These soup shots turned out super yummy and everyone dug the spicy/sweet bacon, especially the kids who created the festive backdrop for our feast. I definitely recommend creating extra bacon!
Butternut Squash Soup "Shots" with Candied Bacon
3 pounds (about 3 medium) butternut squash Candied Bacon
2 large leeks 1 pound sliced bacon
1 tablespoon olive oil 1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon curry powder 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
4 cups chicken broth or stock 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger
3 tablespoons maple syrup
1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
Candied bacon, as garnish
- Heat oven to 375 degrees. Cut squash in half lengthwise and place face down in a baking dish with edges. Pour about 1/2 inch of water into the pan. Bake 40 minutes or until fork tender. Let cool enough to handle.
- While squash is baking, trim leeks, slit lengthwise and wash thoroughly to remove all grit. Chop roughly. (Save the top, tough green part for making stock, if you wish.) Heat olive oil in a soup kettle and add leeks. Sauté for a few minutes, tossing with a wooden spoon. Add curry powder and cook another minute.
- Scoop out squash flesh. Add to the pot with the leeks and curry. Add chicken stock, ginger, maple syrup and salt. Cook at a simmer for about 30 minutes, to cook leeks and marry the flavors. Using an immersion blender, a blender or a food processor, working in batches if need be, puree the soup. (Except for the bacon, this can be made a day ahead and gently reheated.)
- Serve with a half slice of bacon in each small cup. Makes 12 small servings with leftovers for the cook.
- Preheat oven to 375 degrees. While the oven heats, cook bacon in a heavy skillet over moderate heat. You'll need to do this in two batches to keep from crowding the bacon. Cook until lightly browned but not crisp. Transfer to paper towels to drain. While bacon is cooking, combine sugar, cayenne and black pepper.
- Lay partially cooked bacon on a baking sheet lined with brown paper or parchment. Thoroughly coat bacon strips with sugar-pepper mixture. Bake for 5 more minutes, or until sugar is caramelized and bacon is crisp. Transfer to clean brown paper to cool. (Don't use paper towels - the candied bacon will stick to them.)
- Break slices of bacon in half and serve half a slice in each "shot" or cup of soup. (This will hold for a few hours, but if you make it the day before, it will go limp.)