The Bottom B*tch (Dude)

Please do not think you are exempt from being on the bottom.

Dating notes

Sometimes I take notes... my memory kinda sucks, especially when there is any kind of wine around. The following is a page from a pad I was writing on this weekend. I was talking to Lil Miss Hot Potato about one of her 1st online dating encounters. The 1st line is actually something I wanted to remember about my grandmother... Sorry, I know my penmanship sucks! It says: 1st meetup, Niko/Arlington, double date (run into ex-boy), 5'11"/Greek/Engineer.

That is as far as I got... the story was taking forever and I kept asking her to fast forward. I left the room for a minute to grab some snacks (we were at her 1st unanniversary party–meaning she would've been married a year to the day, but circumstances have her going through a divorce–logical cause for celebration). So, I return to my spot outside, begin to fan myself with the pad on the sticky summer night, I look down at what I wrote and notice a new addition... "We had Crazy Sex!" LM Hot Potato took it upon herself to fast forward the story :)

The end.
I don't have time to fall... and even if I did, I have an army of lovers pushing me forward and up.

My alter ego 'tude for Tuesday

I'm like what that old dude was for Rocky (but cuter)...
You want me in your corner.
Not only is my underwear backwards today... but it's inside out. True Story.

Pocketful of Dreams

This weekend I drove up to NYC to visit fam. Drove up solo, which I always look forward to. Driving solo gives me an opportunity to do some re-evaluating and bad singing at ridiculous levels.

I can only enter NYC several ways: • listening to Hot 97  • listening to La Mega (97.9)  • listening to Gloria Estefan (because of the MANY trips with Moms–Cuts Both Ways... I can sing it for you forward and back)  • (most recently) Alicia Keys' Empire State of Mind Pt. 2 (chillz)

Some of the many reasons I love NYC: It's a smorgasbord of inspiration for anyone with their eyes open and speaking of eyes... everyone there loves to play "chicken"–as in, stare you directly in your eyes and dare you to turn away first... I love this game, I'm good a this game.

Deep thoughts on the drive: –I don't do a ton of complimenting (side effect from dating dudes with too much of an ego), but if I were to compliment-what do I say? "Hey handsome!" Where did that word "handsome" come from anyway? Hand and some... some hands... as in "He's got some hands" and you know what they say about hands... (that's false btw).
–I want to marry a dude with the surname Power, so that I can name our son/daughter William or Wilhelmina

Hipster 2010

What Will 2010's Hipster Look Like?

I don't like sharing the stage, but if I must...

Lately at family functions I've been competing with the likeability of this one:

The next generation Shorty, watch out!!!


Download print-quality images from Smithsonian's flickr page
My favorite... the Belize Larval Fish Group (☜ link)Photobucket

Oh no, not my wink eye!

What to do with an eye twitch that won't quit:
      A: Join a help group. 
            -On you can join other eye-twitchers to vent
        B: Put a patch on it.
        ✓Check ✓Check

I'm on Week 2 of an annoying/somewhat embarassing eye twitch AND, to make matters worse–it's my winking eye! The horror! Can you picture the spasming wink now...
According to research, causes of said twitch are: caffiene, alcohol, lack of sleep, eye strain (due to monitors), STRESS! Since I'm not eliminating any of those anytime soon, J. Boogie suggested I bedazzle my eye-patch... I think I will.

My alter ego 'tude for Tuesday

When destroying everything seems like the best option.

But can you juggle?

Recently the room’s conversation centered around the number of suitors Mouth has had, which are slim. She married her high school sweetheart, not much playing the field there. May commented shortly after that her father was the only man her mother has ever kissed... Like woah! So, I’m in the middle like damn, “I must’ve kissed a million men in my life so far.” A bit of an exaggeration, but necessary for comparison.

Those examples produced successful/happy marriages and they didn’t need to explore their options, so I got to thinkin’... Is it possible that too much dating can do damage? I have explored so many options (artists, musicians, lawyers, IT nerds, military, short, mostly tall, Korean, Italian, thoughtful, self-centered...) Maybe I’ve gotten a taste (try to keep it clean, please) of such a variety of men, that I look for a piece of them in every man I meet (well at least the traits I'm fond of). This is damn near impossible for anyone to live up to, but it’s hard not to compare...

Bmore, Hon.

Friday night was spent at a Bmore staple... Patterson Bowl–a nitty/gritty, byob, duckpin establishment. The following are some appropriately fitting gritty angles:

Saturday in Texts 6.20

A lil background info: The majority of Saturday was spent at an event called Wine by the Water. Lil Miss Mimosa asked me if I'd like to work it and sad to say, my initial thought was... Sure, dudes with boats–I'm in, but I should have known better. LM Mimosa does not do much these days that does not include babies and baby Mama's. The event was actually to benefit the Downtown Family Alliance (new Mama's and baby Daddy's). I was bored and hot, but I did have 2 of my favorite ladies with me (LM Mimosa & LM Honsauce), a 1/2 decent cover act, ohh and wine.

Text Messages OUTGOING
  • How was your night superstar?
  • Hung out with friends, dinner and duckpin. Was a good time :) currently really sweaty!
  • Showered and now dripping with sweat
  • Hilarious that we sent that at the same time
  • I'm staring at these kids play in the fountain shooting up water... Torture I might have to join them ;)
  • Trying to decide if I can make it. I will definitely need to squeeze in a shower. Don't want to scare away the critics ;)
  • Serving merlot... Nobody drinks merlot in 90 degree weather! Less work for me :)
  • I know!
  • Dork
  • It's hot!
  • This was drew and i's song :\
  • :)
  • Yeah I'm adding fireworks to my wedding list
  • You could put it in your sippy cup
  • That's not all ;)
  • If I can't make it tonight maybe we can grab a late drink
  • I love how people are thanking me like I'm from the winery... I got good grapes! :)
  • Oh I keep it really fancy in running shorts
  • Ok I see a dilf
  • Obama t shirt curly hair cutie
  • You and your damn karaoke!
  • Yes you are!!!
  • The killer in me is the killer in you.
  • Yup
  • Thanks Sweets, Happy Birthday!!! I say bday gelato or fro yo tomorrow.
  • It's your bday! Let's splurge ;)
  • What's your plan?
  • I'll be round here. Still at this wine thing and I won't make the play... Maybe next Fri. Shoot me a message if you head this way.
  • Subconsciously, yes.
  • Good luck tonight! I won't be able to make it... But call or shoot me a message on your way back.
  • Woohoo, let's do it!
  • Huh?
  • He's fine! Enjoy your meal!
  • No rush, no money!
  • Not accepting your money, seriously
Text Messages INCOMING
  • Long but productive. Being a superstar is a lot of work. Do anything fun last night? How's the wine fest?
  • Have you made up your mind on attending the show? No pressure, there is always next weekend too.
  • My ac is broken-this is miserable!
  • I would totally do it! I'm sweltering in my car :-\
  • Nice Yeah, that's the LAST thing I'd want to drink now.
  • So how did your fermented grapes event go?
  • Lol! This is sweet beach weather. I need to go to a beach, badly!
  • Ur hot!
  • Well I'll leave it up to you but there are 4 more performances that you can come to where time is a little better of an issue for you and you don't have to rush
  • There seems to be a pattern here...
  • Drew who ;)
  • I think I'm going to drink this wine :p
  • We should all start singing along
  • lol that would taint my good water bottle
  • I'm going to stink like BBQ after this
  • Which one?
  • There lots of fat kids here
  • Am I going to hell for saying that?
  • I actually believe that's partly true :)
  • Fake boobs?
  • Both sound rich and trendy for my blood. How bout Ben and Jerrys?
  • I'm hoping Tim wants to drive. I'd rather Bmore.
  • That was almost in meter and rhymed. You're taking texting to the next level!
  • July 1, mets at nats, 7:35pm ;)
  • He ok?
  • Be home by 11... want cash or check

Mouth's Last Lunch (the end of an era)

She's leaving me! I'm trying not to take it too personally. She does have two kids/husband and one on the way that I guess need her more than I do... But it's going to change the dynamic of the Mouth/May/Me room. I count on Mouth to state the obvious, May is so damn optimistic. Mouth has another alias... Salt in Wound Girl. If left alone with May and her optimism, I may fall fool to the games of man. Mouth recently told me to tell him, "Don't play those reindeer games with me"–who the hell is going to come up with lines like that??? We are setting her up a facebook account so that I can stalk her and give her updates on my rollercoaster lifestyle. We also made her some custom onesies to remember us by. The reasoning behind Shawty can be found here.

Memory Lane...

My gift to you.

Happy Friday!
I have no one to throw stones 
at today :) Just gifts to give...

I was lusting over these shoes by Brian Attwood, even before they made an appearance on SITC2. Here they are on SJP and available here for a mere $800:Photobucket

OR, purchase a decent rip for $29.90 here:

My sweaty meet-up

So everyone and their mother loves to fix me up. Friends/Family, friends of family... I try not to take offense. In general I believe it's because I'm so damn likeable, either that or they'd like to add an artist to the family. One of my Titi's (aunts) actually said to me this weekend (after trying to sell me twins that go to her church), "Life is too short to live it alone." Yup. If I'm not dealing with, "So why are you still single," I'm dealing with that shit. Why is the assumption that I'm lonely or unhappy? Do I not look like I'm having a ball people???

Anywayz, Last night it was LM Hot Potato's turn (2nd time btw–1st time she hooked me up with a total DB, I've since forgiven her). My "date" mentioned that he was available on Tues or Wed. I said that I could meet up on Wed but it needed to be after 8 because I have this cardio/dance class. He said perfect because he has a softball game at a park near my house, so why don't we just meet up in sweats. Hmm... this would be a first, but I was kinda diggin' the idea. So, yes. Sure. A sweaty meet-up, why not. I actually think dudes look hot in sweats, so bonus. We planned to initially meet at Thirsty Dog, but after reading about this–I changed locations. The owner/chef of Dangerously Delicious pies was premiering his episode on the Food Network at Mums. One of those Bobby Flay shows where he challenges the local talent to a cook-off, specifically (here) a quiche throwdown. The chef is also a rocker dude, so he was performing at Mums as well. I'm now assuming my "date" is into food shows/dive bars/rock music/pies.

I receive a text that he has arrived... I'm parking. I'm in my running shorts, running shoes, sports bra–the whole 9. I text back that if he is not in his sweats I'm walking out. He says, "Ya gotta get here 1st". I walk up and he is in appropriate garb. I ask him if he has ever heard of Bobby Flay? Nope. Ever watch the Food Network? Nope. Ok, well you're in for a treat ;)

Mums is a total dive bar, which is nice because there is no judgement on our fashion choices. We grab a spot near the "stage"/tv and begin the traditional, "So where are you from's?". The bar fills quickly with older rockAbilly/hipsters. At 9, the loud stir of the crowd (including the DD chef) goes silent and stares up at the tv for the premiere. Kinda bizarre, especially for a 1st "date", but we are in sweats so-why not.

To my surprise the DD chef actually loses the challenge. This is rare, considering the judges of these challenges are always "local celebrities". Cindy Wolf was one of the judges (had to inform my "date" of the restaurants she owns...) My favorite part of the night: Cindy Wolf is giving her critique, "Well Rodney Henry's (owner of DD pies) quiche was packed full of meat and potatoes–changing the texture of the quiche... Bobby's quiche was creamy and smooth in my mouth (AND, the crowd goes wild!) like a quiche is supposed to be." Ahh, Cindy... ya set yourself up for that one.

Final note: I dig the sweaty date concept. It was totally comfortable and a time saver.

on NOT leaving it to the imagination...

Not too long ago, I had a mini-freakout when it dawned on me that I might be screwing my chances with future prospects with this blog. It's honestly an idea that I've toyed around with but never given too much credit to. Until the other week, when I thought what if Dude were to read what I just wrote, he might be A: pissed, B: turned-off or C: both. So, I contacted my friend Sly Fox for an honest answer. My question: What if you were the "Dude" in the recent post and you read it... Would you be mad at me? His response: No. You're post stated the obvious; boys get frustrated when a  girl won't sleep with them. Men know it's just the way things are. He just sounds like a pussy. Me: While we're at it... What if you were another Dude that was trying to "talk" to me... Would you think less of me? Him: That answer is too complex for txt. I've been worried about this blog, and it's impact on your future lovers, since you started it. Ouch! That stung. He unfortunately confirmed my fears.

His reasoning (after convo) was that it might be inhibiting Dudes from getting to know me in the traditional sense... where you discover the nuances of a person in-person. He thought maybe I should be a lil more secretive of the blog, perhaps take it off of facebook and not make it known to Dudes till later in the "discovery process".

I see his/this point. A bit ago, I went on a date with Dude that had a blog of his own. Actually the whole premise of him asking me out was so we could blog about it (though I believe he just saw this as an easy "way in"). Regardless, I read his material and it came across more like a manual of dating do's and dont's. And, all I kept thinking on the date was that I hoped he wasn't trying to use that tactical bullshit on me. He was way less predatory in person, so in this case having read this background info backfired because I was overanalyzing his actions.

BUT, I do think there is a plus to laying it all out–putting the cards on the table, etc. Mainly, saving time! I'm not everyone's cup of tea, so what's the point in investing my much needed minutes if you don't find me charming or amusing. Next! There is usually a playful intro period where everyone is on their best behavior, lot's of false promises... "Sure, I like concerts/festivals!" Only to find out they have social anxiety. No thanx. I'd rather bypass this period.

Yes, but what about the nuances? I'm not giving ME all up on here. There are many/many things I don't give away. Like I fancy the F-word way more than I actually use it on here ;) In all seriousness, I look forward to discovering a person's nuances, but it's the major differences I'd like to get out of the way. You say no to family, I say no to you. Your taste in music sucks, then you better have some major positive attributes to counteract that.

I was immediately nautious after hearing Sly Fox's reaction and advice. It made me second guess alot of steps I'd taken. That day I took a Body Flow class at the gym and during our cool-down/mediation session–I could not relax. As I'm supposed to be letting my body sink into the mat and let the stress melt away, all I could do was curse... Why should I have to filter myself or hide my lil creative outlet? Frankly, there is no one in my life that I like enough to do so and even if I did I'd hope he'd have a sense of humor. I'm in total take-me-as-I-am mode. Maybe that's a turn-off to men, but I need my man with a backbone and balls (maybe 5).

My alter ego 'tude for Tuesday

"If you asked me what's on my mind you probably
won't believe it
Cause if life was one big pool I'd be in the deep end
So I play my role and never ever speak it
Like a secret
And all the while you just just to figure me out

But you can't see past my shades
Past my shades
Past my shades"


Weekend in Photos 4.11-4.13 (Chaperone Gone Wild)

This Friday was my lil sis' 25th bday. It was suggested that I be the "Responsible Chaperone", which has such an unpleasant ring. Instead, I suggested "Party Liaison". First Stop: J.Boogie's doggie fundraiser in Columbia. I did my best to sell raffle tickets and then retired to the bar to warm up and order some food because "Party Liaisons" must eat. Pressed for time, we took the food on the road and my dear sister fed me mushroom caprese at every stoplight. At District in Adams Morgan, we met up with friends and continued to drink/dance the night away, followed by Jumbo Slice and torturing(entertaining) our cabbie (unfortunately there is video... not quite sure the world is ready for that yet though).

I awoke with a swollen ankle. The killer heels, damn near killed me. When I got home I tried to slip in a power nap while elevating/icing my ankle with a bag of frozen green beans. Then I was off to a daytime family/friends bday BBQ at the rents. After a delish turkey burger and bday cake, I drove back home to get ready for the Mets vs. O's game! It was a super-sticky summer night, but tons of lovely Met's fans in the building. Great game, 3-1 (Mets)! Ended the night grabbing a bite and drink on the deck of La Tasca while watching the tourists go by.

Went to church in the morning, where the days sermon was about allowing for "fun" in your life. The irony. My life overfloweth with "fun". "Fun" might be the death of me... I think that's another sermon. Later, I caught up with a friend over margaritas and checked out Get Him To The Greek, which I highly recommend. Russell Brand was hilarious!!! And Diddy didn't totally annoy. Pretty smart/vulgar comedy which I think outshines the overrated Hangover. At night I sat down to watch the True Blood premiere, pictured to the right, my vampire du jour–Eric. Odd, I don't usually go for the blondes, but there are always exceptions. Glad it's back but I could've used more sex and blood. Hopefully next week...