on NOT leaving it to the imagination...

Not too long ago, I had a mini-freakout when it dawned on me that I might be screwing my chances with future prospects with this blog. It's honestly an idea that I've toyed around with but never given too much credit to. Until the other week, when I thought what if Dude were to read what I just wrote, he might be A: pissed, B: turned-off or C: both. So, I contacted my friend Sly Fox for an honest answer. My question: What if you were the "Dude" in the recent post and you read it... Would you be mad at me? His response: No. You're post stated the obvious; boys get frustrated when a  girl won't sleep with them. Men know it's just the way things are. He just sounds like a pussy. Me: While we're at it... What if you were another Dude that was trying to "talk" to me... Would you think less of me? Him: That answer is too complex for txt. I've been worried about this blog, and it's impact on your future lovers, since you started it. Ouch! That stung. He unfortunately confirmed my fears.

His reasoning (after convo) was that it might be inhibiting Dudes from getting to know me in the traditional sense... where you discover the nuances of a person in-person. He thought maybe I should be a lil more secretive of the blog, perhaps take it off of facebook and not make it known to Dudes till later in the "discovery process".

I see his/this point. A bit ago, I went on a date with Dude that had a blog of his own. Actually the whole premise of him asking me out was so we could blog about it (though I believe he just saw this as an easy "way in"). Regardless, I read his material and it came across more like a manual of dating do's and dont's. And, all I kept thinking on the date was that I hoped he wasn't trying to use that tactical bullshit on me. He was way less predatory in person, so in this case having read this background info backfired because I was overanalyzing his actions.

BUT, I do think there is a plus to laying it all out–putting the cards on the table, etc. Mainly, saving time! I'm not everyone's cup of tea, so what's the point in investing my much needed minutes if you don't find me charming or amusing. Next! There is usually a playful intro period where everyone is on their best behavior, lot's of false promises... "Sure, I like concerts/festivals!" Only to find out they have social anxiety. No thanx. I'd rather bypass this period.

Yes, but what about the nuances? I'm not giving ME all up on here. There are many/many things I don't give away. Like I fancy the F-word way more than I actually use it on here ;) In all seriousness, I look forward to discovering a person's nuances, but it's the major differences I'd like to get out of the way. You say no to family, I say no to you. Your taste in music sucks, then you better have some major positive attributes to counteract that.

I was immediately nautious after hearing Sly Fox's reaction and advice. It made me second guess alot of steps I'd taken. That day I took a Body Flow class at the gym and during our cool-down/mediation session–I could not relax. As I'm supposed to be letting my body sink into the mat and let the stress melt away, all I could do was curse... Why should I have to filter myself or hide my lil creative outlet? Frankly, there is no one in my life that I like enough to do so and even if I did I'd hope he'd have a sense of humor. I'm in total take-me-as-I-am mode. Maybe that's a turn-off to men, but I need my man with a backbone and balls (maybe 5).

4 comments:

Abner said...

I'm no relationship guru, albeit that i haven't had a real date in more than 6 years. But what i've learned from others experiences and of course yours on this blog :) is that if dudes are scared of being ousted on the internet then they are in the wrong era. giving the proliferation of social sites i.e. fb, myspace, blogs, twitter, people are giving up the right to a certain amount of secrecy. I don't know if it's because i know you, but i figure whatever you put on your blog, fb, or whatever you would say in person. So the dude in question wouldn't or should be surprised.

The Hearty Project said...

In general yes, what I say on "here"–I would say in person, but with far less tact... On "here" I can actually take a minute and review my thought. In person, I tend to blurt things out, not taking into consideration "delivery"–which can get me into more trouble. So if "this" is a turn-off for "you", chances are "you" wouldn't be able to handle me in person. Therefore, I am ceasing to care about filtering myself.

On another note, "6 years"? Really? You know practice make perfect... Shall I suggest online dating ;)

Seriously, you are one of my favorite dudes! Thanks for the advice... now I think it's time for you to divide and conquer ;)

Abner said...

To be honest 6 years, that maybe a bit of a exaggeration LOL, still the effect is there. It's been awhile. My friend mentioned the same thing, i'm scared shitless to even attempt online dating. I'm closer now to trying then ever before, so we'll see.

gracias for the love. Hangin with you comes easy

The Hearty Project said...

That may be the sweetest compliment I've received in a while :)

BTW: It's not so scary...