I keep laughing about people crying...

I can't help it. At times I do this out of nervousness... Awkward situation=I laugh. But this is not out of awkwardness... Something inside of me thinks it's just plain funny. A friend called me recently, pretty late and EXTREMELY distraught. They were soooooooooooooo upset and I tried to console them, but frankly they were inaudible. The sounds that were coming out of their mouth did not sound human. Quite scary actually and I couldn't help but laugh. This was easier to disguise over the phone and I was basically just a friend to listen to her rant. So I did just that and muffled my laughter.

I did sympathize with her though...

Last night, another friend started to recant a story about an "emotional" drive. It started out with, "I cried today." Me: hysterical laughter. Even after they went into detail about why they felt sentimental. Me: hysterical laughter. I apologized for this, but couldn't stop laughing.

I did think it was nice of this friend to share this moment with me though...

All this leads me to believe I'm becoming a heartless witch. Well this in combination with: I can't relate to any Alicia Keys songs. I mean, I can kinda remember feeling all "hung" over someone or feeling "bent", "lovesick", "yearning", "lust", but lately I can't attribute any of those feelings to anyone. Ugh! In a way, I guess it's a good thing... I can't imagine someone getting me soooooooooo upset that I start speaking in tongue's like my gf in paragraph 1. But I crave emotion like a crack fein (maybe "meth addict" would be more appropriate). I want to sing Alicia Keys at the top of my longs and really feel it. "Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you." I'm gonna do more than find a way, I'm gonna do a dance and name it after myself because I'm not even thinking of you.

Some dude read this recently and said that it's pretty obvious that I want to be in love. Actually here are his exact words (yes, I'm quoting you jerkoff): "I also see that you REALLY would love to find someone you can say those dangerous words to. But there's so many bamas out there." Well yes, damnit (and was capitalizing "really" really freakin' necessary???). Why the hell not??? Why wouldn't you want to be in love? No one even talks about it these days. It's the whole Up in the Air complex. It's easier to keep people at a distance and I think I've been doing it for so long that I'm losing my edge. Yes, I think it's more edgy to actually give a shit. Since no one does, I'm going to be the trendsetter... a freakin' rebel!

If I could only stop laughing.