Friday Dedication

This goes out to all the dudes out there that like to pose this question:

"So, why are you still single?"

I would give you the full "effer salute", but I believe (in general) you honestly intend this to be a compliment. Unfortunately, that is not how we are receiving it. We are immediately put on the defense. We assume that you assume there is something wrong with us. The following are a couple responses that come to mind:

• I’m single because I’m a picky witch
• I’m single because all my options look and smell like you
• I’m single because I’m the type of girl that keeps a list of dealbreakers
• I’m single because my big mouth is overpowering for your weak frame
• I’m single because I can anticipate the trouble you’ll bring and I’d rather not
• I’m single because my last boyfriend interfered with my mandatory 8 hours
• I’m single because I don’t go out till 10 and all the reasonable men are home by then swirling ‘round their whiskey stones
• I’m single because I’m unimpressed with your day job and your small dreams
• I’m single because I fear the wrath of your baby Mama
• I’m single because you tried to red box my @ss on the 2nd date
• I’m single because you won’t stop posting your dumb@ss opinions on facebook
• I’m single because I do celebratory dances at every small victory and am a sore freakin’ loser
• I’m single because as soon as you asked me that question I counted you out
• I’m single because you had a nasty upbringing and have weak family values
• I’m single because you watched Swingers one to many times and still draw quotes from it
• I’m single because I feel the need to have this “I’m single because” list and you’ll read it and count me out
• I’m single because you have no sense of humor
• I’m single because you don’t believe in mattress pads or shower curtain liners
• I’m single because I’m always thinking of how our offspring will look
• I’m single because you have no new tricks to show me
• I’m single because you think I need sensitivity training
• I’m single because your beer of choice is Bud
• I'm single because I care about silly things like your beer of choice and I don't even drink beer
• I’m single because you max out at a 6.75 and I can reach a full 10
• I’m single because your cojones are the size of apple jacks
• I’m single because your not an @ss-man
• I’m single because you’d insist on me taking that horrible last name of yours
• I’m single because THIS is how I react when unfed
• I’m single because I think (know) I’m REALLY special damnit