“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

Jim Morrison (1943-1971)

Mouth is Preggers

And she was nervous to tell me. She actually told May (and the Office), “Melissa is going to be so mad at me.” The news was broken to the Office while I was at Home Depot for lunch. I needed to pick up the frosted vinyl you put on windows (nosey neighbor) for privacy and I also have the current need to paint everything a vivid shade of jade green, so... paint chips. I also thought looking at paint colors would calm me down a bit. I was having a shitty morning–the kind of morning where your having your morning coffee/looking forward to the day/enjoying the sunshine and someone sends you a string of annoying messages that puts a stinky turd on your desk.

So, I walk back into my office and set my purse down on my desk (the turd is still there). And, Mouth says she has something to tell me (with a crazy smile that says-this is going to be good). I’m like ok, stop grinning at me all crazy, what is it??? “I’m pregnant,” she says. I let out a WTF scream that really means–stop BSing me, I’m not in the mood. But then I see that she is serious and I’m in a lil bit of shock. My awkward response is to say, “I guess I’m expected to be nice to you now or don’t expect me to be nice to you now (1 of the 2).” In general, I handle awkward situations with inappropriate humor. I also told her how unbloated she looked for 4 months ;) Honestly, It never dawned on me that she might be having more kids and YES, I always b*tch (light-heartedly) about all my baby-poppin’ friends. That is probably why she was nervous of my reaction. My b*tching is mainly about all the showers I have to attend that are absolutely no freakin’ fun for single chics (especially when their rubbin’ your belly asking when’s your turn, ugh!). I do like babies for the record, just in small doses.

Anyways, I am very happy for Mouth. She is already a super mommy. The only thing that kinda sours the situation is that she will be leaving at the end of the school year... Boo. I’m booing for purely selfish reasons.

Came across this artist the other day...

Funny his name is: Michele Angelos
These are flyers/posters for an electronic music club. Most of his other work has a more handcrafted approach, but I thought these were cute and witty... love the patches.
Check out more of his work at his site: superexpresso

I tell myself I work better with distraction... it's a lie.

Procrastination from Johnny Kelly on Vimeo.
Dreamy isn't he???
Actually he's way dreamier when he opens his mouth (unlike many I know...).
If you aren't already familiar with him, than you're obviously not a fan of the Travel Channel or a Foodie! Anthony Bourdain hosts a show titled No Reservations. I've been familiar with his show for a while now, but last week on my day off–I was glued to the marathon airing. Bourdain travels to local and international spots and immerses himself in local flavor... street food/fine dining/festivals. He has a very unpretentious approach to interacting with locals and sampling food. Oh! and did I mention his love of the "F" word! There are not many people that can make the "F" word sound sweet (James Blunt is another one) and this is a sexy trait in my book. One of my favorite episodes was Sardinia (his wife's homeland). He was surrounded by her family and had extra insight into the customs and food. Plus, a place that revolves around seafood/cheese/wine... what's not to love. New season kicks off on 3/1 @ 10pm (Ecuador/Galapagos).


These suckers are pretty potent for candy–4.44% liquor (there is a warning not to sell them to minors). I would like to be comfortably numb this morning... wondering how many rows I'd need to consume to attain a lil buzz AND then how many hours at the gym I'd need to put in to work them off. I hate math.

Humility... it's what's for dinner.

I just finished my book club book for tonight. It's called The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. It's written all through correspondence and about the German occupation of one of the English Channel Islands and how a group coped by forming a literary society, almost out of necessity.

Recently, I've been very frustrated with the inability of close "friends" to humble themselves. Mainly–Not being able to say sorry when sorry is due. Is your pride really worth the loss of a long/honest friendship? I most certainly know–mine is not. I will humble myself even when I know for a fact I was wronged. If you are too proud to put yourself out there, well then I will be humble enough for the both of us. Why not? What do I have to lose (my pride, my dignity)? It takes way more courage to say sorry or to extend the olive branch, than to stick to your "guns". What are you standing by anyway? Unless I smacked your mother, what could be worth cutting ties with someone you truly care for. True friends are so few. At this stage in my life I will do absolutely anything and everything to keep them close–even forgo stubborn pride. If nothing else... I will sleep better.

Wrapping up my book today, it finally dawned on the main character to "make a move". To stop ignoring the obvious and put herself "out there" without fear of rejection or hurt pride. The last page she writes, "This obsession with dignity can ruin your life if you let it." That line couldn't have come at a better time.

Romper Revue

I'm a lil on edge today... So I will blog about something that brings me great joy... Rompers!
Hooray for Rompers! So comf/easy/chic/sexy, very happy they are back in style. The following are a couple of my top pics:

These are pretty nice too... I actually tried on the dark blue one. The fit was super cute, but I'm not a huge fan of button-ups sans collar, regardless I'm thinking of going back and getting it.
LINKS: Island Hoppin' Romper, Cocktail Party Romper, Site-Seeing Romper, Clubbin' Romper, BBQ Romper, Hopscotch Romper Bottom row(L2R): Shopbop, AE, NY & Co

Beyond Vday...

I received a request to clarify as I was thinkin’ "I need to clarify..."
I love roses (def not my fave), I love chocolates (dark with nuts), I love steak (medium rare), I just think the combo on Vday is thoughtless. But that’s just me. I’m sure most chics would be totally happy, if not thrilled. This chic requires a lil more originality.

So my friend (let’s call him GI Dreamy) says,
Guys are simple creatures. All it takes is for one girl we date to want to go to a fancy steakhouse and get flowers at the office, and we apply that to all we meet.” This could work on a Vday date with a newish lady friend, but shouldn’t with someone you actually care about. On Vday (or any other date) in a committed relationship, you should: take note of the little things that get your chic excited (which for simple creatures, might be hard to remember). Hmm... Maybe this goes back to the 5 Love Languages. Does she want to be told, touched, feel you love her in your undivided attention OR does she want a token of affection OR does she want you to finally put that bookcase together OR shovel her damn driveway (these days, I might choose the later)... Figure this out and save yourself time and money. Personally, I know one of the ways to my heart is through food, but I’m a bit of a snob and if you suggest Ruth’s Chris-I cringe (or any other chain restaurant). Cook for me-ONLY if you’re a good cook or take me to my favorite hole in the wall, make me breakfast (not in bed-that’s gross)–can’t really mess up eggs too much. Side note: Unless your a chef at a reputable establishment, never offer to cook on a 1st date–cheapskate or perv (u pick?)

On Flowers... Flowers never go out of style. Every chic loves them. What’s not to love–they’re pretty and smell good. On another note: It’s a nice way to make a girl keep thinking about you... At least for a week. Dates in the past that showed up with flowers stood out. Me? I like bouquets a lil wild and messy like me, actually I prefer anything but red roses. Is your chic more traditional or more eccentric? Cater your flowers accordingly.

On Spots... GI Dreamy says,
I'm willing to bet you that most guys you know have a "go to" first date plan that they use in some capacity with all first dates.” This is fine, as long as you don’t let them onto this. I have my own “go-to’s”. Which recently it’s dawned on me–I might have to mix up a bit. When the waiter says, “Oh, I know. I’ve waited on her before” or the bartender says, “New guy? Is he going to be a keeper?” Mix it up. But this only applies to Newbie’s, if I really care, I’ll apply way more thought and research.

On Wearing the Pants... GI Dreamy says, “First dates are tough, so mostly I just go with what I know I will like, which makes me comfortable...which in turn makes for a more fun experience. Of course with my luck, I will then run into the girl who thinks it is archaic for the man to pick the spots and outline the dates, which in turn means I am a prick. So then the next time I leave it up to the girl, which of course means she thinks I am wishy-washy and can't take charge.” I know many types of girls and I usually fall in the more aggressive/independent end of the spectrum–but even Ms. Independence wants you to choose the restaurant and take charge (I guarantee). But I’m attracted to Manly Men and Manly Men Make Decisions. An immediate turn-off is the back/forth-wishy/washy, “I don’t know, whatever you’d like...” Ugh! ESPECIALLY, on a 1st date! Yes, ask what kinds of cuisine’s she’s into, don’t be a brute. Assess the type of girl and make a reservation. Exceptions would be: if you are coming to my city (I’ll pick), if I’m coming to your city (no-brainer).

ALL THIS goes the other way, making your mate feel special (ANY DAY) is a 2way street, good thing I have killer attention for detail (usually lost on simple creatures).

That Hearty Day

We here at The Hearty Project are fans of the heart, so naturally we are fans of Valentine's Day. 

I'm really trying to think back on last year's Valentine's Day... I want to say maybe I got back with my ex for like a week around that time (so lame). So this year was the 1st solo year in ages and probably the best. Dudes are SO cliché. Red roses/chocolate/steak house, it's like a freakin' played-out script. If this makes you feel special than you deserve his lameass.

The following was my Vday schedule 2010:

  • 9:30am–Groggy and slightly hungover, I drag myself out of bed and into the shower
  • 11:00am–Arrive at church, grab a coffee and peanut cookie and find my family
  • 11:00am-12:00pm–Church service with topic of SEX, probably the only thing that kept me from shutting my eyes (too much sake). Pastor references several passages in the bible that refer to SEX and how wonderful and great it is, interspersed with video of the dude that wrote "The 5 Love Languages". The languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. The theory is that you need to figure out your language and your partners language so that you can show each other love in the "format" that you most respond to. Makes sense to me... I'm just trying to figure out still which one I'd put first (hard decision: Words of Aff or QT???) –My sister also gives me this very sweet/mushy card during service that talks about the story of our lives and how I made her story even better in Barcelona... I tried not to tear up, my Mom asks to read it and of course waterworks
  • 12:30pm–Back home, check my email/facebook, lie on the couch and take a nap, texting back and forth with sister's about movie times
  • 2:00pm–Soup for late lunch (Italian Wedding)
  • 2:30pm–More couch time, seriously have not been home due to snow in over a week-so I feel like being lazy
  • 3:30pm–Leave house to head to movie theater
  • 3:45pm–Meet sister's and work friends at theater to watch Valentine's Day (of course)
  • 5:45pm–Contemplate if I liked the movie... hmm... it was cute (I guess), a lil too sweet for my taste, but good eye candy. In the parking lot, I notice that my back license plate is missing! ugh! Call Mom to b*tch about it.
  • 6:00pm-10:00pm–At home, busted out the paint to make a temporary tag, tried to stick it to the back (no-go), more email/facebook, lounging, chips and salsa, freshen up, try on multiple outfits in preparation for Latin dancing with the fam while listening to Marc Anthony and sipping on a Michael Phelps
  • 10:30pm–Meet family at club for Latin Night with live band.
  • 10:30pm-1:00am–a lil Salsa/Merengue/Reggaeton with the family (Mom/Stepdad/Aunts/Cousins/Sisters & Sisters work buddies). My Salsa was hella rusty but my stepdad is an amazing lead, definitely danced to Lady Gaga with a Merengue beat with my Mother and Sisters, 2 (maybe 3) Vodka/soda's with lemon
  • 1:00am-1:30am–Drive back to Bmore, contemplate meeting friends in Canton, decide against it since I'd prob only get one drink in before closing, suddenly realize how hungry I am, make a detour in Fed Hill to 711,-in hopes that they have those frozen White Castle cheeseburgers (no luck), I must settle for those taco roll things, 1st one was edible, 2nd one made me ill.
  • 2:00am–Pass out on the couch


No, this is not a new site I'm using! It's an ad that drew my attention from another site. Not for the sexual suggestions or the hilarious name... but for that damn belly button! Isn't it obscene??? Reminds me of those plastic toys that you squeeze in the middle and their eyes pop out. This belly button just begs to be pressed and in this case, I imagine more than eyes popping.

A lil Puerto Ricany... even in my dreams.

Last night I had a dream that one of my ex's and a girlfriend of mine were coming back from the beach. We pull into a gas station, so we can fill-up. While waiting for the ex to fill the gas tank, I spot a car filled with some ghetto-fabulous big girls across from us. One of them starts calling me out for no reason and ripping me to shreds-verbally. What do I do? I throw a piece of pineapple at her from the car (seriously, a piece of pineapple). She gets pissed and the scene switches to a courtroom. She is pressing charges against me for throwing the piece of pineapple at her. I am on trial, but my WHOLE family is there to support me (literally spilling over the pews onto the stand). While trying to defend myself to the judge, I keep getting interrupted by multiple family members who keep insisting I am innocent and that this trial is ridiculous. They get reprimanded several times, but that still does not quite them.

A little Puerto Ricany sound bite

My response to more snow....

via Friends of Type.

This needs a new name...

How bout The Totally Heterosexual Alternative to an Apple Martini ? Is that too long? Cuz now that I think about it... men shouldn't be drinking anything with the word Spritz at the end either.
...I tried this at the Chocolate Affair last week and it was surprisingly refreshing. Adding lemon-lime soda is another alternative to the club, but sounds a bit too sweet for me.

A Killer Burger and a Bitchin' Blizzard

First let me begin with how prepared I was... I left my house Friday morning all packed with multiple comfy/lounging outfits, snow boots, board games, movies and Firefly. The snow had already begun to stick when I left work that afternoon, so I went straight to Lil Miss Honsauce's house, where I had every intention of weathering the storm. LM Honsauce had other intentions, one being getting a ride to Hamilton Tavern to celebrate with a friend for his bday. She reassured her husband and myself that we would have no problem just catching a cab back. Our ride to the tavern was pretty scary, so I was already doubting how the night would end, but vodka and the most amazing burger in the world have a way to make you forget your worries.
Crosstown Burger $10
Roseda Farms beef, shredded iceberg lettuce, tomato, onion, & horseradish cheddar ...Add sticky-spicy bacon or a fried egg for $1 (both for $2)

LM Honsauce and I split this (with the bacon & egg-of course) and some garlicky mussels. This burger was phenomenal, almost worth the grueling journey ahead.
Several drinks and shots later, we were in full denial-mode. A blizzard was brewing and we had no way "home" and were without any necessary supplies (besides vodka).
We woke up to this mess–Harford Rd. (a snow emergency road).
We are now stuck far North in Baltimore City and far South is "home" with dogs that need taking care of. What to do???? Luckily, we were in the company of mountain-men, with literally all the gear needed to climb Mt. Everest-seriously! So, I suit up for a hike of a lifetime...
Notice my lack of enthusiasm. Sometimes people and their optimism REALLY piss me off... Either way, we were all determined to get back and we had two mountain-men with us to guide our way and make sure we didn't eat each other. Stocked with water/snow shoes/snacks/hiking poles and extra clothing we began our 5.2 mile hike in the blizzard, measuring about 2 feet deep at the time. Using iWalk for direction, we hiked through the upper residences of Baltimore City, through the hood (where onlookers thought, "crazy white people") and back to SouthEast Baltimore. On our way, we were interviewed and photographed by the Baltimore Sun for our obvious foolishness. I do have to say though, there were some genuine beautiful moments that wouldn't of been able to be captured any other way. They almost made up for the moments that I wanted to cry and my legs wanted to give out. Being reminded that my tears would freeze–I kept them in.
Trying to make a path.
Not sure if you can see it... but, she is STILL smiling! Damn her.
Me... always bringing up the rear. Someone needs to have their back.

Now, how do I end this story??? Well... we got "home" obviously and now I'm here to blog about it. Moral of the story: Bdays and Burgers are not worth risking your life in Blizzard conditions.
NOTE TO SELF: add a redneck to the roster, preferably before the next blizzard.

Dating minus the muck

I recently went on a date with a scientist. The only reason I mention that he was a scientist is because we had multiple discussions that were not typical for my dates (not that all my dates are idiots either). Actually, it was a breath of fresh air from the typical guarded/trivial BS that usually takes place. Not only did we discuss possible scientific reasons for “why we are the way we are,” but every other off-limit topic for a 1st date (I do have to mention that alcohol had a hand in this).

Typical off-limit topics for a 1st Date: Ex’s, Politics, Religion, Children, Fears, Desires, Skepticism, Death, Depression, Sex, Feeling Wronged, Regret, Stereotypes, Drugs, etc.

Usually on a 1st date, I will try to stay clear of above topics. Though, in general I try to be as honest about my character as possible because I’m not for everyone and if you can’t handle me now–you certainly won’t be able to handle me later... Why waste either of our time. There are cases where I know the date will be our 1st and last and I will purposely bring up topics from above to hear something juicy or maybe something I can learn from.

This date apparently felt like being very honest, which put me at ease to open up. I believe at one point (bottle of wine/several martini’s later), I said that I wanted babies, which in all honestly should not be such a surprise–but one of those off-limits. So he says, “You’d make a good mother.” And before I can shoo that away as being a BS comment (because how well does he know me), he says that this is the clearest he will ever see me, that at 1st meeting someone you are able to look at them objectively, after getting closer/more involved you start to project your needs and desires onto them, which usually just mucks everything up...
So true.

1st dates are exciting for this reason. You're not emotionally invested, you can look at this possible love interest with fresh eyes. They can mention ex’s and failures and you won’t take offense or have your ego bruised. It’s actually a bit depressing... This mucking up business.
Yesterday, while picking up Skim Milk for my Cheerios diet... My hand hovered over the jug of Milk dated February 10, then my hand darted to the (more economical/practical) February 14  jug, I hesitated for a minute and then grabbed the February 10 jug. (Thinking) Screw it... I'll just drink faster.

Hands down–the most entertaining internet dating profile

Single Malt Scotch • Hop Scotch • Hippies On Speed • Oysters • Shark Attacks • Eating Light Bulbs • Close Encounters • Tantra • Crabbing • The Sear Christmas Catalog • Shop Until I Drop • Making Out • Guzzling Beer • Golden Girls and Threes Company • YOU • YOU and ME Making sweet LOVE • Dead Beat Dads • Pole Vault • Amateur Porn

My moto...HIT IT, QUIT IT and FORGET IT!!!! Just kidding...haha, ACTUALLY I AM NOT! Anyway, I am positive that most who clicked on my profile to read something sweet and innocent are already disappointed by the fact I will not promise to sweep anyone away on my magic carpet to MAUI. If your turned off by now, GOOD! There is no guarantees in life, with the exception of death. And he ain't no fool. If you still are reading my profile, and more importantly, laughing your ass off, then we connect in the simple fact of its absurdity. As a matter of fact, you are who I want to LOVE LONG TIME, NO SHIT! A woman with a solid sense of humor, and I am not talking Bill Cosby style, although he is fuuny, and the ideology of sex not being such a TABOO (my favorite porn) is what attracts me the most. I do have a personality, and I don't look at gender as strictly genitalia. Although, I am only attracted to those who don't have a wee-wee. Anyway, ladies, times have changed and I never reveal my hand until the river card is turned! Therefore, I will not bore you with stupid details of who I am, what I aspire, and the exact traits I feel best fits my ideal would be looking at the Sears catalog as a kid and drafting this long drawn out toy list you wanted for Christmas starting in July...unrealistic, and you never get everything you want anyway...stupid ass socks and underwear! So, life is not perfect, but you can find some flaws that are fun! I guess that sums it up, so read below and gage who I am. But beware, if you judge a book by its cover then you will never know its ending.

OPTION 1: Dinner w/ me and Tom Foolery, the Lambada, Hot Wax w/Apple Cider, Nude Scrabble, a Fine Cigar w/a glass of Single Malt Scotch, then sexy time
OPTION 2: Start the night off with a shag, and end it with a make-out session while tandem skiing off the back of a tug boat on the way to Pusser's! Strong thighs needed for this option.
OPTION 3: Skateboarding, TV Dinner, Roller Skating to Journey while holding hands through the Gaslamp, and then head over to****s for some cotton candy and a couple of shots of Bourbon, then pass out in the square w/the homeless.
OPTION 4: Mixing any of the three options above to include hot oil massage w/option of happy ending. Even before we move into sexy time! Then finish the night off smoking a fine Cuban and sipping on red wine while we sit on my deck naked throwing eggs at folks who pass by.
OPTION 5: Whatever crosses our minds to include spankings, shaving (if you have a 70s Bush), a 10lbs dumb-bell, a miniture pony, and a red-headed midget named Clyde.

This is exactly the oddball shiz that catches my attention. Unfortunately, this guy could either be insanely charismatic or a psychopath... there's a fine line.

My morning

Lately, the call of snow will stir some anxiety within. I love living solo, it gives me the ability to close off the world at will. But if the world closes me off or in, I start to go nutty. Luckily, I have neighbors/friends/bars/restaurants in walking distance (sedatives also help), so that I don't resort to writing redrum all over my walls.

This morning I couldn't get enough of the snow. I took my time clearing my car off, not because I was delaying work, but because I couldn't get over how peaceful everything was. My commute was absolutely breathtaking. There was no snow on the roads to cause annoyance or traffic, it just hung elegantly on every branch. And, this song was the perfect backdrop...

It's becoming a problem...

Luckily, I found a place to indulge: Olsens Anonymous
Not sure what it is, but I suddenly can't get enough of these bug-eyed/aliens with killer style.

I couldn't have written it better if I was conscious.

Last night I had the best dream and it went in 2 parts.

First part: Johnny Depp (in his Winona Ryder phase) and I are making a movie. A movie where we need to shoot this makeout scene over&over again... Yummm! Too bad the scene never progresses pass PG-13 and then we are running for our lives. We stop at a gas station and we get arrested, but then a van pulls up with our friends who are there to "bail" us out.

Second part: I'm at this sick house in Puerto Rico on the beach. The house has this multi-level deck at the back with slides and multi-level pools. I'm with my family, specifically my lil cousins who are running around playing, eating yummy fried foods and sucking on piraguas. One of my cousins is painting and I think that's a great idea, so I sit down to paint the sunset and there is a crazy warm/moody light in the air.

For the record: I would take this man at any phase of his life.

My profile song dedication.

Back in the time of MySpace (or back when I used it), I liked to sync my song with my mood, as I'm sure many people did. Also around that era, I was experiencing living on my own for the first time and coming out of a long/unhealthy relationship (unhealthy–putting it lightly). My response to this new freedom and independence was to go apeshit and light fires all around town (metaphorically speaking). There were not many limits back then and I justified my bad behavior as me deserving to indulge because of all the hell I'd been through. I not only hurt myself but others in my path. Specifically, a Friend whom I had a major crush on for years. Without going into too much detail... I screwed up majorly. I just wasn't in the right mindset to be giving. So, he stopped answering my calls and set this song as his profile on MySpace:

Ouch! It hurt, but I deserved it. Luckily, I went through this period without doing too much damage. I read, I cried and prayed myself out of it. Now, I think it's time to give this song back to the universe or to YOU, because I AM SPENT (insert me wiping the sweat from my brow here).