!!!NEWS FLASH!!!

Dudes over-analyze messages just like we do!!!

So when I used to work with Mouth and May, we would kill time by analyzing my current relationship dramas to death, particularly text and email messages since it seemed like most of them liked to irritate me between the hours of 9-5. There was alot of, "So what should I say next?"('s) and sometimes the response would be, "Ok, that works," but would take 10 minutes of deliberation to send. Yes, silly I know, but when dealing with the "player" types every move has to be deliberate. Most times we would crack ourselves up... knowing that they were not on the other end of this putting so much thought into a response. Or were they???

Well, I'm currently contracting at another agency and have developed a somewhat similar relationship with one of my office mates... although he is a dude (let's call him Woody). Our office conversations have circled around my current dating situations, his fiancé (wedding plans), hip hop (which is why I'm finding myself cursing more lately), wildly inappropriate Jew and Hispanic comments, food and trashy reality TV. I think he enjoys vicariously living through my missteps, even encouraging staying in the single life. Recently, he's developed some of his own relationship drama with the misses, so the tables have turned a bit and I've been giving him advice.

Yesterday, he needed some texting advice and I was all over it! I totally loved playing the part of the adviser rather than the advisee. I mean we got down to the "Hey" or the "Hi" of the matter. He was planning to take her out. I said whatever you say to her, don't say "Date Night". Date Night is for slackers that don't usually treat their lady to nice dinners or nights out. So dudes use the words Date Night and we are supposed to get all giddy with anticipation? Bullshit. Anyways, I digress... He was trying to select the appropriate words and I adviced him to be as direct (and short-maybe a lil mysterious) as possible. Not, "Are you available?" but, "Be ready and look pretty." She kept pushing him for the what and the where of the situation... like, "Well, what should I wear? Dress? Jeans? Heels?" This I understand... a girl has to plan her outfit, but I asked him, "What do you like to see her in?" He said dress, so I said tell her you're leaning towards dress. This went back and forth several times. Woody was all like, "This is fun, I feel like I'm dating again (even making the reeling in fish motion)," and I say, "Now you know what my life is like... full of carefully selected words."

NOW, I really want to be a relationship advice columnist (says the single girl)! So much easier to dish it than to take it and fun to see others squirm over silly messages.