Decisions/Decisions

Well, I thought I was done. Ready to call it quits with online dating. MY CONCLUSIONS: There are no better prospects online than the local bar. It's time consuming and more times than not–a total waste of time. If dudes are not falsely representing themselves than they are just trying to cast a wider net to get laid. There are some rare cases but they require mucho work/time to find. And, frankly I'm too busy for the process. I had even informed Mouth and May (Mouth didn't react too positively, naturally she would miss the entertainment). GI Dreamy thought my blog might suffer... I reassured him that I have enough material with local idiots–which I do. I planned to cancel my last account this week and I probably still will, but it's gems like these that make me hesitate:

wanflap contacted me this week and asked me if I had attended a recent fashion show. His picture looked decent. His info stated he lived in Bmore/39/Writer/Graduate Degree... Ok, I'll bite. I read his "About Me". It was a sample of his writing, here goes:
We were dynamite on the dance floor, Jana (pronounced Yana) could dance like J.Lo; I played it cool. She was all mine, and I could see the envy on the faces of the guys around me. We took a break to drink some water, “Oh, I want to go to the toilet.” she asked. “Yea me too, let’s go.” On the way to the restrooms, we passed by the men’s room first. I suddenly grabbed her hand and yanked her into the men’s bathroom, announcing to the gentlemen lined up along the wall peeing in urinals, “Alright gentlemen, I hope you don’t mind a little visitor tonight.” She was turning red with embarrassment, but I could tell she was enjoying it; after all, it was all part of the adventure. I quickly pushed her into the last corner stall and closed the door. The fellows were still giggling as I nonchalantly took a piss, balancing my beer on the urinal. When I finished, I banged on her stall door, “Hey dude, hurry up, others are waiting out here, don’t ya know?” The guys at the urinals broke out laughing. She came out of the stall and, still red with embarrassment, headed right for the door, but I wasn’t going to let her off so easy. Before she reached the door I blocked her, stating, “Hey dude, you got to wash your hands, don’t forget that now!” Laughing, she washed her hands as requested when from nowhere a pruney old lady appeared out of nowhere and reached for her, saying something in Czech, “afzzckkda...ze haf zzcvl...dobre fjajfd.” I figured she was part of the cleaning staff or something and was probably calling Jana a whore or something nasty. She reached for Jana again, but this time I grabbed her hand and pushed her back, yelling, “Hey you old hag, get out of here, don’t you know this is the Men’s room!” The old lady was surprised, but continued yelling something in Czech as she scurried along down the hall, I presume to get the club bouncers. I knew it was a good time to boogie so I grabbed Jana’s hand and we fled, trading the Men’s room for a moon lit night in Prague.

Yeap, I’m a writer. I write the adventures, we’ll live them.

(Is it real? Is it fiction? Tag me to find out!)

If this dude makes a living as a writer than I'm quitting my day job and starting my memoirs. Wow, how many references to the pisser can this guy make. Is this supposed to be a flirty love scenario? Even if I didn't have public restroom phobia I would still be totally grossed out. Not too mention all the grammatical errors (not that I'm Ms. Grammar or spellcheck), but geez Mr. Grad Degree... in what? I have not replied yet. I'm trying to configure the perfect response for this cheesiness. Any suggestions are welcome. 

Another gem:
BosphorousMan–very attractive European dude (too attractive–actually most of his pictures look like stock photography to my trained eye). In his "About Me" he writes: I am looking for someone who is fun, outgoing, and honest, makes me laugh, and is down to earth. When i am with someone i treat them really good, i am a "true" gentleman (ask me the difference between gentleman and true gentleman, I will explain ;-)) Ok, I'll bite... 
goyagirl: So... what's the difference? between a gentleman and a true gentlemen? 
BosphorousMan: Hi, :-) If I tell you the difference you will run away ;-) 
goyagirl: I am not easily scared or intimidated... So fire away. 
BosphorousMan: A gentleman invites his GF to show his picture collection and he just shows the collection, and a true gentleman invites his GF to his house and have sex with her as she expected ;-) That's my Italian coworker told me ;-) 
goyagirl: Sure/Sure your Italian coworker... So do you show your "collection" on the 1st date? Because Americans have another word for that.

So, now do you see why I'm torn?