Quotes from the Weekend 4.23-4.25

(Watching a graphic plastic surgery show with the family and listening to my mother list off the procedures she would like done)
Me: I want lypo.
Mom: You need a shrink, not lypo.

(Mom is handing me Benedryl after viewing my Sister's Kenya slideshow)
Mom: You want some water with that?
Me: (Holding glass of wine) Mom, there are thirsty kids in Kenya, I'm not going to waste this.

(Listening to a new rap song)
Me: He's rappin' like he's a centaur.
Cousin: I don't know what that is.
Me: 1/2 man 1/2 horse, horse on bottom, man on top

(Checkin' out some dude)
Cousin: No, I can't do that. I can't date a man I can lift.

(After losing repeatedly on SingStar)
Me: Uh, I hate to lose! I really hate to lose!
Friend: I know (nods head), I'm scared of you when you lose... I'm scared of you when you win.

(At Sunday brunch with neighbor)
Neighbor: I haven't had too many bad breakups but when I was 17 I fell in love with this Mexican girl, even bought her a house... Wow, I was an @sshole for years because of that girl.

Neighbor: Once I figured out you can make your own trophies, I realized I didn't have to be good at anything. 

(After being caught with a girl in his bedroom years ago)
Neighbor's Mother: I can't believe your doing this in my house... Your blocking my blessings.

(Mother butting into my conversation with my sisters)
Mother: So wait a minute, who has the swagger?
Sisters: (In unison) Not him!