I’m a jerk and here are some examples.

Example 1: I stole this mug Friday night from a cabbie. This is just one example of what a self-serving snot I can be when I’m drunk. I’ve done worse but I feel really bad about this one. The mug has not moved from my counter. I’m scared to touch it. My bad energy is all over it. I'm trying to figure out what I can do with it to reverse my kharma. I have been tipping my cabbies very well since then. I figure I have at least a year of over-tipping to make up for it.

There comes a certain point in a night of heavy drinking when I call it quits... Lights out. Nothing good will come out of my mouth or from my actions and it happens pretty quickly. Usually following shots–which I absolutely can not handle any more. Most times my immediate reaction is to leave. I want my bed and I could care less who I’m with. Example 2: Saturday morning, I also woke up to a “U suck” message from one of my good friends that I apparently ditched.

Example 3: One year, after a long day at Brew at the Zoo, an old friend and I came back to my place. Being the gentleman that he was... He offered to walk my girlfriend home who lived 8 doors down. Cool, but in the 8 or so minutes it took him to walk there and back–I completely passed out. He banged repeatedly on the doors and windows but no answer. He walked back to my girlfriends house but she had already left for a late-night snack. So my sweet county friend was stuck in Pigtown with no idea where to go. He ended up walking to Martin Luther King Blvd and hailing a cab. Luckily nothing happened to him. And this was someone that I was actually interested in. Sometimes I have an odd (effed up) way of showing interest. I can think of several other scenarios where my interest could be misinterpreted as selfishness.

Not only am I a selfish lush, but I’m fairly superficial. I lie–I do have an idea in my head as to the type of guy I should be with and he looks a lot like Johnny (of course!). I’ve pushed dudes away based on some really dumb nitpicky shiz. Height is a big issue with me. My “type” has typically been tall. I equate height with strength and security, though I’m not sure what I need protection from.

Example 4: Let’s say not too long ago... I dismissed a dude based pretty much on height alone, even though we had a great time together–even though he was the only dude that I looked forward to spending time with and didn’t make me break out in hives after long periods of said time. Dude was very good to me and I just couldn’t picture us together. I even went as far as telling him straight out, “I don’t see us developing into a relationship.” Honestly the attraction was not there at that moment. I had this ideal “Johnny” in my head and this dude didn’t fit. So I go away and realize that maybe I’m an idiot, maybe I’m passing up on someone that I really need in my life. I come back and express that I might have made a mistake, but too late–damage done.

This last example has shook me. A serious slap. It’s made me take a 2nd look at my relationships and maybe give 2nd chances to dudes I would instantly dismiss. This is time-consuming though... And according to this theory, with enough time and positive thought I can make myself dig anyone. Where is the passion/fun in that???

I’m just currently resolved to be a lil more open (and be better about saying no to shots). I spend a lot of time on here highlighting flaws in others. I thought it was only fair that I be honest with mine... but I’m done for now. It’s way more fun to highlight Yours.

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