Define necessity.

SJP's version are available here... kinda steep though...

I'd settle for a Rayban version here... or here.

Friday Dedication

Your ego always took credit for comments that did not concern you, but this one Buddy (oops, I know you hate when I call you that...) is all yours. Enjoy!

Where to begin... I won't go into gory details, but it took me all of 5 minutes to cyber-detective my way to the truth. This whole situation is great data for my tech-savvy dating post btw(which will hopefully appear next week). My effer salute this week goes out to someone who bullshitted me for months and whom I completely cut contact from (for quite some time)... Mr. Facebook Poker himself. So, I go soft. Fine, I'll let you know how I'm doing... Fine, maybe I'll pretend I care how you're doing (when in all honesty, sure I'd like you to be healthy but that's where my concern ends). It dawns on me yesterday–wouldn't I look like a fool if I'm giving Buddy an inch and he's dating a certain someone... especially when Buddy's main concern was devoting time to his career for the future that would possibly involve me. Hmm... A: Should I ask Buddy flat out? B: Should I get crafty? Since Craft is in my nature, I chose B. AND, what do I find??? A virtual scrapbook with photos accompanying dates of Buddy's love affair. Freakin' ouch, Buddy! Although I had already cut Buddy out of my life, it was a hard pill to swallow seeing Mr. Sincerity (aka Mr. Facebook Poker/aka Buddy) spending many intimate moments when he was supposed to be working on his "business plan". Maybe I somewhat deserve (see ex. 4) this for being an initial shallow b*tch, but you and I both know I proved myself and then some...

Buddy... your biggest draw (at least for me) was your sincerity. I am so impressed/in awe of people that can truly be who they are in any situation. Unfortunately, it's such a rare quality these days. I told you once that you had a disarming nature... Yeah, now I think that was show. A freakin' sham. I have smiley-toothed evidence (with accompanying dates) of what a sham you are. You just lost your biggest selling-point (tear/tear).

This is the last bit of effort that I will devote to you Buddy. I'd hate for you to think that all your insincerity was enough for me to skip a beat. Actually, after viewing your virtual romp of love, I went shopping/tanning and then joined my lovely lady friends for happy hour. So Cheers! I hope you name a taco after me... shall I suggest –The Trifecta: sweet, sour & spicy, with extra avocado (you know how I love avocado!).

"Sweety, I am the Master Wang Wrangler... the others are just side rings."
"What do you think, it just shoots out the color I dye it?"

–Lil Miss Taco Tuesday

The drink thing

Sent from GI Dreamy (aka Sexy Pants–depending on how the wind is blowing) in response to Cocktail Profiling (see post below):
For the most part, i think all of those descriptions are horseshit (except for the Black and Tan). A chick that orders a Champagne Cocktail (unless at breakfast) is either underage or has Daddy issues. Or a stripper. Though i guess that was covered under "Daddy issues." If you order a Mojito you had better either currently be on vacation, or just returned from one. The Gimlet is very middle of the road. It might make me think you are just starting to drink liquor and really need the lime to help you through it, or you think it sounds grown-up to order (it doesn't). It's sorta creative, without any creativity at all.  I think the margarita all depends on WHERE the drink is ordered. If a girl orders a top-shelf margarita from anywhere but a restaurant known for margaritas it screams high maintenance, sorority girl. "Really? We're at an Irish bar. You want an F-n Reposado Margarita? Is that because you read about it in Cosmo once? Fine, give me your Dad's credit card for the tab."

The only things you need to know how to order on a date are a glass of wine, a beer, or a liquor and mixer. Those say, "Hey I am a normal person who isnt pretending to be anything. Oh and I have been to a bar before and am a grown up."  Though, a glass of wine really only fits with a restaurant. Shots are always welcome. Just not at dinner.

I'd have to agree with most of this... I think situation is an important factor. I'm not going to order a margarita/mojito in a bar known for their beer variety. I think dudes don't order mojito's because they seem girlie (2many accessories) or maybe they don't like to say the word mojito (mō•hē•tō), but they are mighty tasty. I am guilty of ordering wine outside of restaurants because......................... I don't drink beer! Sue me! I said it and I'm 31 years old–I'm not starting now, so stop your stinkin' judgement. I'm a happy wino :)

Cocktail Profiling

See, I'm not the only one that makes judgements on drinks... I came across this article recently that addresses "What Men Really Think About Your Cocktail Order". In it, author Jordan Kaye of How to Booze: Exquisite Cocktails and Unsound Advice says, "Yep, different drinks send different messages."

Not sure I agree with these generalizations, but here goes:
THE VODKA GIMLET
The drink that says, "No way in hell am I coming up to your place later"
Jordan explains: "This drink is all about caution. It's the very drink we recommend ordering on first dates, in fact, because it communicates a kind of restraint and seriousness that will serve you well when you're interested in taking things slowly."

THE REPOSADO MARGARITA
The drink that says, "I want to hear about how much money you make"
"By asking for the distinctive, delicious, top-shelf reposado-style tequila, you'll set yourself apart," Jordan notes. "A high-end margarita like this demonstrates that you know how to have a good time — and no one is going to teach you any lessons about how to do that — but you aren't going to be fooled into making any compromises, either."

THE BLACK AND TAN
The drink that says, "You can treat me like one of the guys (except much better)"
This is basically a fancy beer drink — it's a half-pint of pale ale topped off with a half-pint of porter or stout. So it shows that you're laid-back enough to drink a brewski, cool enough to order a drink with serious pub cred, and demanding enough to ask for something special.

THE MOJITO
The drink that says, "Marriage...babies..."
"Herbs and citrus make men think fertility," says Jordan. "It's a drink that suggests you are full of life and ready to make more of it. Procreation obsession is probably not a message that most guys want to hear too directly, though." So, when you send the message subliminally, by way of your drink order, they can handle it.

THE CHAMPAGNE COCKTAIL
The drink that says, "I'm up for anything! Sweep me off my feet!"
Jordan says: "If you happen to be on a date with a genuinely good guy, ask for a classic champagne cocktail. This will tell your date that you are bubbling with enthusiasm for what's coming next — whatever that may be." Jordan notes that ordering your bubbly cocktail-style is more interesting and festive than asking for it straight up. I'd add that the extra flair suggests a bit of Gatsby-era glamour.

The one I think is most accurate... maybe the Black and Tan. My drink is more like the Vodka Gimlet and on occasion the Mojito, so according to Kaye's definition, I teeter between being a prude and wanting to procreate. Hmm.... But really? "Herbs and citrus make men think fertility," sounds like a bunch of shit to me. In my opinion, a high-end margarita screams fun (possibly alcoholic) chic that's carefree. A Champagne Cocktail screams high maintenance broad, unless it's brunch. My cocktail of choice: Stoli and soda water. I've heard it called a skinny b*tch. What does it say about me? I'm calorie conscience, refuse to drink rail, but don't necessarily need Belvedere. You be the judge.

I knew I was missing something...

A DISCO BALL!!! Possibly a sparkly zebra piñata too.

My alter ego 'tude for Tuesday

"Well, it ain't about talent. It's mostly about follow 
through... after the final rose, as it were."   Stephanie Klein

These shoes were made for dancing!

Hoping to relieve some stress.

Craving a piece of the pie...

Or at least a slice of outdoor leisure space to call my own.

Since I don't plan on giving up city life anytime soon, this is as big as I'm dreaming... a lil patio/balcony sanctuary to flip through mags, immerse myself in juicy books, sketch, write, concept genius ideas, nap, pet my imaginary dog, play gin rummy, plant a container garden, inhale city scents, share coffee/wine with friends, ponder deep questions like: Which Charlie Brown character am I?, look out into the starless/infinite sky.

Keats vs. Coco

This weekend I checked out 2 movies that were recommended by gf's... Bright Star, about the romantic poet John Keats and Coco Before Chanel (self-explanitory). Bright Star moved a bit slow, but I still dug it. Abbie Cornish did a stellar job as the female lead. Coco Before Chanel made an instant lover out of me. She is a true hustler in the best sense of the word. My new heroine–the forever bachelorette. Look at those eyes... she obviously means business.

The following are some famous quotes from both artists:
Keats...
–The excellency of every art is its intensity, capable of making all disagreeable evaporate.
–I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections, and the truth of imagination.
–I want a brighter word than bright.
–You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving.
–O for a life of Sensations rather than of Thoughts!
Coco…
–In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different.
–You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
–A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future.
–Arrogance is in everything I do. It is in my gestures, the harshness of my voice, in the glow of my gaze, in my sinewy, tormented face.
–As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!
–The best color in the whole world, is the one that looks good, on you!

Josh Keyes

Very Natural History Museum meets Twelve Monkeys... Love them!

Check out more work here.

Friday Dedication

This goes out to all the dudes out there that like to pose this question:

"So, why are you still single?"

I would give you the full "effer salute", but I believe (in general) you honestly intend this to be a compliment. Unfortunately, that is not how we are receiving it. We are immediately put on the defense. We assume that you assume there is something wrong with us. The following are a couple responses that come to mind:

• I’m single because I’m a picky witch
• I’m single because all my options look and smell like you
• I’m single because I’m the type of girl that keeps a list of dealbreakers
• I’m single because my big mouth is overpowering for your weak frame
• I’m single because I can anticipate the trouble you’ll bring and I’d rather not
• I’m single because my last boyfriend interfered with my mandatory 8 hours
• I’m single because I don’t go out till 10 and all the reasonable men are home by then swirling ‘round their whiskey stones
• I’m single because I’m unimpressed with your day job and your small dreams
• I’m single because I fear the wrath of your baby Mama
• I’m single because you tried to red box my @ss on the 2nd date
• I’m single because you won’t stop posting your dumb@ss opinions on facebook
• I’m single because I do celebratory dances at every small victory and am a sore freakin’ loser
• I’m single because as soon as you asked me that question I counted you out
• I’m single because you had a nasty upbringing and have weak family values
• I’m single because you watched Swingers one to many times and still draw quotes from it
• I’m single because I feel the need to have this “I’m single because” list and you’ll read it and count me out
• I’m single because you have no sense of humor
• I’m single because you don’t believe in mattress pads or shower curtain liners
• I’m single because I’m always thinking of how our offspring will look
• I’m single because you have no new tricks to show me
• I’m single because you think I need sensitivity training
• I’m single because your beer of choice is Bud
• I'm single because I care about silly things like your beer of choice and I don't even drink beer
• I’m single because you max out at a 6.75 and I can reach a full 10
• I’m single because your cojones are the size of apple jacks
• I’m single because your not an @ss-man
• I’m single because you’d insist on me taking that horrible last name of yours
• I’m single because THIS is how I react when unfed
• I’m single because I think (know) I’m REALLY special damnit

Hip Hop and the Office

This is primarily a rock/indie/Beatles office, but I try to insert some hip hop when/wherever I can.

Brainstorming genius ideas/taglines for a Checkpoint Strikeforce campaign...
So far: -”Blow Me” (with give-aways like whistles/kazoos/harmonicas)
-”Check out and Check in" (jail cell with room key)
-”Check yourself (yoself) before you (wriggity) wreck yourself (yoself)”
How freakin’ perfect is that? Pretty darn perfect, with a whole shitload of copyright issues, but still. What is Das EFX doing these days anyway?!?

May totally gets this (hip hop reference). Just to double check, I intercom Paulie Walnuts (Gaming nerd and Photoshop artisan, he was listening to music created using Nintendo Gameboy's yesterday-no joke) in the other room. Me: Paulie, what do you think of when I say, “You better check yourself before you wreck yourself”? Paulie Walnuts: Das EFX (me to May: see he gets it) Me: Thanks Paulie, good boy.

(Listening to JayZ’s Blueprint)
Mouth: Who’s Shawty? I keep hearing her name everywhere... Shawty this, Shawty that. Me: Really? It’s Shorty! Like hey Shorty! Just a different way of saying it. She then proceeds to tell me how her son is going to be really disappointed, he thinks Shawty is a person, you know like “Shawty on the dancefloor”.
Mouth: I was wondering why all these rappers know her name. Me: Yeah, that Shawty she gets around.

And this:

 Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C48BTtAVsK0

Yes, size matters.

Of course it matters. I'm 5 foot nothing and I will attest to that fact.

Mouth found this article: 
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6161691.stm

Had to share...

Guard your banana here.

I keep laughing about people crying...

I can't help it. At times I do this out of nervousness... Awkward situation=I laugh. But this is not out of awkwardness... Something inside of me thinks it's just plain funny. A friend called me recently, pretty late and EXTREMELY distraught. They were soooooooooooooo upset and I tried to console them, but frankly they were inaudible. The sounds that were coming out of their mouth did not sound human. Quite scary actually and I couldn't help but laugh. This was easier to disguise over the phone and I was basically just a friend to listen to her rant. So I did just that and muffled my laughter.

I did sympathize with her though...

Last night, another friend started to recant a story about an "emotional" drive. It started out with, "I cried today." Me: hysterical laughter. Even after they went into detail about why they felt sentimental. Me: hysterical laughter. I apologized for this, but couldn't stop laughing.

I did think it was nice of this friend to share this moment with me though...

All this leads me to believe I'm becoming a heartless witch. Well this in combination with: I can't relate to any Alicia Keys songs. I mean, I can kinda remember feeling all "hung" over someone or feeling "bent", "lovesick", "yearning", "lust", but lately I can't attribute any of those feelings to anyone. Ugh! In a way, I guess it's a good thing... I can't imagine someone getting me soooooooooo upset that I start speaking in tongue's like my gf in paragraph 1. But I crave emotion like a crack fein (maybe "meth addict" would be more appropriate). I want to sing Alicia Keys at the top of my longs and really feel it. "Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you." I'm gonna do more than find a way, I'm gonna do a dance and name it after myself because I'm not even thinking of you.

Some dude read this recently and said that it's pretty obvious that I want to be in love. Actually here are his exact words (yes, I'm quoting you jerkoff): "I also see that you REALLY would love to find someone you can say those dangerous words to. But there's so many bamas out there." Well yes, damnit (and was capitalizing "really" really freakin' necessary???). Why the hell not??? Why wouldn't you want to be in love? No one even talks about it these days. It's the whole Up in the Air complex. It's easier to keep people at a distance and I think I've been doing it for so long that I'm losing my edge. Yes, I think it's more edgy to actually give a shit. Since no one does, I'm going to be the trendsetter... a freakin' rebel!

If I could only stop laughing.

Memorial Day Weekend Photos

This weekend was spent doing some (late)spring cleaning, hangin' with friends, family and myself(!). Some of you might find this odd... but I love/need solo time. You would think that living solo allows me lots of this, but that's not necessarily true. Monday nights are usually my "me" time. Then the week usually follows with gym dates, dinner dates, movie dates, family time, etc. Lately my Monday nights have been hijacked by neighbors, so when the weekend comes I just want to close the door on the world. That was this Friday. I made no plans, talked to friends happily about all of theirs and was content to spend the night by myself. I did nothing special... slept, cleaned, watched Up in the Air and resisted the urge to crawl into the fetal position (that movie is hella depressing/but good).

Saw these awesome boots in Hampden!

Waiting for Barnes and Nobles to open...

Sharks are overrated ;)

Lacrosse Finals at Ravens Stadium (M & T whatev)

Random/creepy dress shoes left near my door.

Pigtown gets new paint! Love/love/love!

Flashbacks

In Sex and the City 2 there's a flashback scene of the girls a decade ago. At least I think they said decade, but by looking at the fashion it was more like 2 decades ago. I've known LM Honsauce for over a decade now and I thought it would be nice to do our flashback. This is what I've dug up so far...
Can't comment on the fashion too much, but we were heavy into highlights back in the day. This is at a company party where boas were at our disposal... I love this picture, it pretty much sums up our relationship perfectly.

Sex and Bmore City

Last night Lil Miss Honsauce, Lil Miss Mimosa and I went to see Sex and the City 2 at the Harbor. I’m a hardcore fan, so they could’ve had Carrie shopping for 2 hours and I would’ve been satisfied. No Oscar nods but true fans will be pleased and entertained. While waiting for LM Honsauce to come out of the restroom, I ran into the ex. There is a slo-mo scene in the film where Carrie spots Aiden(her ex) in a market and they have this magical “wow” moment. This was not like that. More like, “Look there is F*cker and his wife, damn they both look fat.” I know what you’re thinking... Real mature. But I actually handled the situation with grace considering the atrocities he committed. When LM Honsauce came out, I pointed him out and she says, “I’m going to go up and say hi.” I thought about it for a sec and then thought against it. I didn’t want to give him any satisfaction, so I pulled her back. He did his best to avoid eye contact but I knew he saw me–I made sure of it.



We moved on over to Talara for apps and drinks and while there I began to regret not letting LM Honsauce say hi. Only for the simple fact that he goes out of his way to say hi to the both of them at the gym (not sure what he’s working on). This makes me steamy. Why the hell would he think they’d want anything to do with him after knowing the horrors he’s committed. Does he think their memory would fade so quickly? Mine hasn’t. I know it sounds like I carry this around with me–I don’t. If he were to offer an apology I would quickly accept it. If he were to say, “I’m sorry I was an evil/heartless/soulless shell of a human being.” I would say, “Ok fine, I wish you many years of wedded bliss.” Serious. Now I’m done with this topic because it did not for a second overshadow my great night with my girlies, the moment actually brought a smile to my face.

At Talara we indulged in mussels, ceviche and mojitos, while we tried to decipher which SATC characters we were most like. If you are totally clueless, SATC is about 4 distinct female characters: Carrie (fashion junkie/creative/eccentric), Miranda (workaholic/pragmatic/planner), Charlotte (traditionalist/sensitive/mother) and Samantha (bold/saucy/sex-crazed). We came to the conclusion that I am 60% Samantha, 40% Carrie. LM Honsauce is 60% Miranda, 40% Carrie and LM Mimosa is 40% Charlotte, 40% Miranda and 20% Samantha. My house is not predominantly Samantha because of the sex-crazed part btw.



After Talara we hopped over to Pazo where we ran into LM Hot Potato (smalltimore gotta love it). She was having a cocktail with friends. One of her friends spotted one of her “mistakes” and rushed her out the door before she could see him. When LM Honsauce and I were leaving, I made a point to go over to him at the bar and give him a lil warning. I think I might've told him I’d cut him if he ever contacted her... Not sure. I am sure that I said that this is my city and I know enough people to make his life miserable. Now that was the Samantha in me. I couldn’t help it.

I dropped LM Honsauce off in torrential downpour as she tried to convince me to go to a karaoke bar, but I was done. I got about half way back to my house before getting a phone call from her. She had been banging on the door and was still outside because her husband wouldn’t wake up. Ahhh... Married life. So I turned around, picked her up and she crashed at my bachelorette pad.

It was a good night.

Can we talk fashion for a minute... the fashion was sick of course. SJP wore 3 looks with a 70's vibe... these pleated dresses by Halston that were amazing, she actually rocked one at the MET event too. Several of her looks are available here.

OH, and don't sleep on Liza Minnelli!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

This is exactly the type of shiz that makes me want to quit my day job, move into my mom's basement, dust off my sewing machines and become an Asexual hermit. Ugh!!!

All designs– Mara Hoffman Spring 2010

Gems for everyone!

This will be my last Lost post, promise. Though not totally pleased with the finale, I am content enough to move on. It came full circle enough to make me feel ok with devoting so many hours of my life. Each week after every episode I would check ew.com for Doc Jensen's extensive recap and researched commentary. This week was no different (except 16 pages, from the usual 7). I was struck in particular with the following paragraph:

"One of the things I have most appreciated about the season is that for all of its spirituality and mysticism and supernatural hoo-ha, Lost was all about human beings — really screwed-up human beings who do really screwed-up things. Even the Gods (read: Jacob) and Monsters (read: Smokey) and mythic heroes (read: Richard Alpert) revealed themselves to be just like you or me, give or take some smoke and some superpowers. It's funny that so many people cynically bitch about Lost not having ''a master plan'' — the Lost story is all about the folly of ''master plans.'' Anyone who has ever had a master plan on this show has failed catastrophically. Mother. Jacob. The Man In Black. Ben. Charles Widmore. Jack. Sawyer. The best we can do is live our lives with enlightened improvisation — to be so self-aware and fearless that we can live fully in the present and redeem our every moment and every human connection. Last night, Sawyer asked Jack if becoming island guardian made him feel any different. Jack thought about it and laughed and said, ''No. Not really.'' He was right. Jack was still every bit the fixer junkie he used to be before he took holy communion from Jacob. But as he moved into the final conflict of his life, Jack was able to apply the best parts of him to the crisis at hand, and minimize the influence of his worst parts. Which isn't to say he couldn't make mistakes — and didn't have more to learn. If there was something he had gained, it was this: grace for his own uniquely imperfect mess."

Ahhhh............ closure.

It's all about that subtle FU.

I had a hard time in college being too literal with my work. I've always had a very direct/blunt approach to art and to life in general. Some have called this aggressive, intimidating or just plain mean. I've been told that my demeanor has kept people from approaching me. I recently chatted it up with some college buddies and one of them told me his roommate had a crush on me but was too intimidated to "go there". I've heard instances like this before, but I was kinda annoyed at this one because I had a major crush on this dude back in the day. Oh well...

I've tried to work on my subtlety over the years. It's a true artform, can't say that I've mastered it. I think it'll be a life long process (like patience). I'm attracted to work and like to create work that has a nice healthy balance of sweet n' saucy, light n' dark, soft n' hard edges, humor mixed with honest sobering moments... This is how I like my men as well.

In a time where head-games are commonplace and one-upping is sport, isn't it nice to know where I stand? Believe me, I love a good game and I can play with the best of'em... I just choose not to.
☜That was Halloween '99? btw (not so subtle)

Thanks to Sly Fox for sending me a link to Locher's site, where FU is presented in such a sweet way. The following are a couple of my favorites:





In the same light... Here are a couple other pieces on my wishlist:


Crab Claw Necklace • Hummingbird Skull Necklace • Porcelain Beaver Skull • Bi-King Wall Mount

Add Dating Advisor to my resume.

This weekend I told Lil Miss Hot Potato that she should let me manage her dating life–in light of her recent bad decisions AND because I'm doing such a stellar job at mine! That was meant to be semi-sarcastic... I'm not so lucky in love, but at least I'm not a sucker. I think it will be a win/win for both of us. By me giving such logical dating advice, I will have no choice but to walk the walk. In all honestly, for the most part, I do.

LMHP said she'd like to start online dating as well. I obviously have some experience in the matter and am a great source (I wish I had me when I was going through the process). Although, it didn't necessarily work for me–it has worked for many others and frankly, it's entertaining. Plus, she's not looking for long term commitment. She needs to go through a period of (re)self-discovery and just wants some fun guys to hang out with that haven't already screwed her friends (I can relate).

Last night we began setting up her profile. Can't lie... we were both giddy with excitement. It was fun thinking of different ways to market her online. Pretty much like my day job but with more "sex". I began to jot down some key "buzz words". Not total deception, just smart advertising.

The following is a bit of our banter:
Beginning to type her "interests"... (me) So what should we put down for your interests? (LMHP) I don't know what my interests are... (me) Well, let's look at my old profile so you can get an idea. (LMHP-after looking at mine) Can't I just copy those?

"Interests" section... (me) You want to attract men that are physically fit, so you want to put down outdoor/physical activities (LMHP) Put down yoga, I plan on starting next week. (me) How about hiking? (LMHP-as she's typing) Oh god, this is killing me.

Trying to think of what to write in the "about me" section... (me) If you were an animal, what would you be? (LMHP) a lion. (me) Well, I was half joking, but it might be funny... so I wrote, "If I were an animal, I'd be a lion (roar)." A lil bit of cheese never hurt nobody.

(LMHP) So what do you do if they're boring? (me) Drink.

(LMHP) So how do I know they're not going to kill me? (me) You don't. You just always meet in a very public place. You'll be fine.

(me) Ok, you gotta watch out for the "new to the area's". You don't want to be a tour guide. (LMHP) No, that's fine. I gotta build the roster.

(LMHP) Stop taking notes!!!

On answering her 1st prospect... (LMHP) Let's answer Gladiator dude... What you going to write? (me) Hold on, I'm not writing. He's not dating me, he's dating you. I will assist...

Sad to say, we came across some dudes that I had already talked to. Good for her that I could steer her clear of them. She was so excited by the initial process, I had to smile. It can be fun at first, but that excitement wears off when you realize how time-consuming sifting through idiots can be.

I'm a mean/mean woman hidin' underneath this hearty shell.

Audra Mae performed this Janis Joplin cover Saturday night. I think she was singing to me...

Turtle Blues

Ah, I'm a mean, mean woman 

And I don't mean no one man, no good, no. 
I'm a mean, mean woman, 
I don't mean no one man, no good. 
I just treats 'em like I wants to 

I never treats 'em, honey like I should. 

Oh, Lord, I once had a daddy, 

He said he'd give me everything in sight. 

Once had a daddy, 

Said he'd give me everything in sight. 

Yes, he did 

So I said, "Honey, I want the sunshine, 

You take the stars out of the night. 

Come on and give 'em to me, babe, 'cause I want 'em right now." 

I ain't the kind of woman 

Who'd make your life a bed of ease, ha ha ha ha! 

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 

I'm not the kind of woman, no, 

To make your life a bed of ease. 

Yeah, but if you, if you just wanna go out drinkin', honey, 

Won't you invite me along please. 

Oh, I'll be so good to ya babe, yeah! 

Whoa, go on! 

I guess I'm just like a turtle 

That's hidin' underneath it's horny shell. 

Whoa, whoa, oh yeah, like a turtle 

Hidin' underneath it's horny shell. 

But you know I'm very well protected - 

I know this goddamn life too well. 

Oh! Now call me mean, you can call me evil, yeah, yeah, 

I've been called much of some things around, 

Honey, don't ya know I have! 

Whoa, call me mean or call me evil 

I've been called much of some things, all things around, 

Yeah, but I'm gonna take good care of Janis, yeah, 

Honey, ain't no one gonna dog me down. 

Alright, yeah.

Weekend in Photos 5.21-5.23 (Livin' for the Light)

This weekend totally didn't suck.

Friday: 
Lil Miss Hot Potato and I drove to DC (with KRS-One on full blast) to party with Sly Fox and his funky bunch. After warming up, we cabbed it to a packed/sweaty club called Park... danced a bit, things got fuzzy and I left my cell phone is a cab on the way back. This is a classic "me" move. One of my other gf's does it so much that she puts an "if lost, please call..." sticker on the back. I may need to implement this tactic. LM Hot Potato said when I got out of the cab and realized it was gone, I dropped to the ground and put my arms in the air "oh, what a world"–style. This is a moment where Weekend in Video would have been entertaining. Regardless, I had a great time and felt semi-liberated the next day.

Oh look, there is my phone :/
LMHP and I trying to capture the blue lights in "Club Campiz"



Why is this dude marking his hand, you say? Well, he's keeping track of his drinks! Hmm... sounds like a good idea, but I know if I did this I'd wake up with marker all over my face. I believe Sly Fox is modeling the latest fashion in Bounty.


This is when we are nice to our cabbies.


Sweaty and lazy-eyed at Park.


Saturday:
Now for the highlight of my weekend!!! After taking it super easy on Saturday (day) – LM Hot Potato and I indulged in cheesy horror (Seventh Moon) and Pan's Labyrinth (not cheesy), we drove to Easton, MD to see Audra Mae perform. Easton, MD is one of those small towns on the way to the beach where you drive through and wonder how civilized people live out there. On our way down we joked that we were sure to get lost and end up in the cornfields and LMHP said she'd probably meet Malachi and fall for him. Children of the Corn people! It's a classic. We get there a lil early and grab a quick bite at the town's Pub which closes at 10pm. We make sure to use our indoor voices because it's obvious in this scene who does not belong... us! Even inside the Nightcat (a 60 people max venue), we are like "so not from around here...". The venue was comprised of predominantly conservative fans in their 50-60's. So, no date's for the night, which I could care less about because I was beyond excited and thrilled to be front and center. We sat 2 feet from her microphone and I could not stop smiling. Audra Mae was phenomenal. I held back tearing up when The River came on as the 1st song. Her voice and music is so moving on cd alone, but in person her voice is freakin' amazing. She was so passionate and genuine, it hurt. I couldn't resist going up to meet her after the performance! Ahhhh :)

"Livin' for the light... like a good girl should," (lyrics from The River, which Audra explained btw is about that dirty double-standard).


Sunday:
Still on my Audra-high, I met my family at church Sunday morning. Church is doing this series now called Bob & God (as in Bob Dylan). This week they performed and analyzed the lyrics of Gotta Serve Somebody. Basic principle of service: By exuding the light inside you, others around you will have no choice but to be inspired (at least that's what I got). Then I went over to Lil Miss J.Boogie's house to tell her of my weekend tales (since I couldn't call her!). While there I got seriously hooked up with new music and tracked down where I could borrow a temp phone. We also contemplated how I could get into coconuts to convert them into drinking cups for my pina coladas... drill? hammer? Too much room for error, so I just went to Party City to get plastic ones. After picking up my replacement phone, I drove home to start my Lost-viewing dinner–pork kabobs with a spicy mango sauce, pinenut/cherry tomato couscous, pineapple/coconut ice cream and sliced mango (that we were too full to eat). Ohh and pina coladas and champagne! As for Lost, I'm still trying to digest the finale. My first impressions have left me feeling a bit sour. I felt the ending was a bit forced and I still have some unanswered questions...